Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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