Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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