I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
