My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
is that a dick in a sweater?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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