also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
