his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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