Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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