i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I want to be your penis for a week.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
