Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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