i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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