You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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