At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
