o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
