it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
