well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
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Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
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Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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