the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
