i need an iv and a liver transplant
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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