No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i just google imaged poop.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
