He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
