Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
