I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from