My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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