I am in a vortex of obligation.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
