Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
sex in a hospital.. check
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
