The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
