Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
