We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
