am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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