Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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