Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
