saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
