I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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