Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
