His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
