hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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