It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Last time i carry you out of a forest
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I can't put those talents on a resume
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
