i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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