you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I have post one night stand depression
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