I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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