yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
