yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
This can only be settled by a dance off.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
