Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
