pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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