This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
