He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
