I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
