Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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