I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
