just tell him i said nine months
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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