I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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