are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
