he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
