I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
