Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
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Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
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Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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