turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
