I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
