My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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