Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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