Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
