He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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