wat bout pragnant strippers??
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
