do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
