I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
