P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
