OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I've blown a few things in my day
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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