i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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