On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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