she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
