Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
