you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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