i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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