She went from zero to smokin in five shots
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
