I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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