Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
