Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
