I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
