A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
