those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
