Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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