I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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