North Korea, Best Korea!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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