I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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