Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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