True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Randomize
