So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
